


Customers Only

by Judeyjude



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Brief Lily Appearance, Fluff, Harry is along for the ride, M/M, Meet-Cute, Mentions James Potter, Nanny Sirius, Remus pretends Sirius is with him, Toddler Harry, background James/Lily, bathroom emergency, lots of fluff, sort of blind date?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 20:25:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8859796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Judeyjude/pseuds/Judeyjude
Summary: "Dragging her eyes back to Sirius, the hostess pointed a perfectly manicured nail to the sign on the podium that read: Restroom for Customers Only." A charming stranger saves Sirius Black from a sticky situation when little Harry's on the verge of wetting himself.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Headcannon that without the Dursley's abuse Harry would be a chubby, outgoing child.

“Harry, do you need to go potty?”

 

“No!”

 

“Harry.” Sirius planted his hands on his hips and then quickly let go. _Oh god, Prongs is right. I’m turning into a middle-aged mother_. 

 

The small toddler took advantage of the glazed over look of horror on his godfather’s face and slowly side-stepped away. 

 

Unfortunately, before he could get far, he stepped on a squeaky rat toy.

 

“Oh, no you don’t.” Sirius crouched and held onto the pudgy little arms to keep Harry firmly in place. “You’re telling me you don’t need to go potty?”

 

Harry looked at him with wide, innocent eyes and nodded while shifting his weight on tiny feet. 

 

Sirius raised an unimpressed eyebrow.

 

“Not at all?”

 

“Nu-uh!”

 

“Not even a tiny tinkle?”

 

“No tinkle!”

 

“Okay then,” Sirius said and stood up, but right as Harry was about to zoom through the toy store, he added, “Then you won’t mind playing Statue, would you?”

 

Harry looked like a deer caught in headlights. 

 

Statue was a “game” Sirius invented soon after Harry was potty-trained. There had been many, many accidents in which Harry insisted he didn’t need to pee or poop and, shocker, a few minutes later he’d be crying in soiled pants. 

 

Thus Statue was born: you have to stand stock-still for at least thirty seconds.

 

Sirius had to give it to the boy — he was a stubborn little fucker when he wanted to be. Sirius and James liked to fight over which of them gave him that trait while Lily hits their head with a rolled up newspaper, yelling that it’s not something to be proud of. (Everyone secretly knew that Lily was the clear winner; there was no stopping that woman if she put her mind to something).

 

The bespectacled toddler held a stiff stance for about twenty seconds before he broke, spiraling into the wiggling potty dance and clutching his crotch.

 

“I have to pee!” Harry exclaimed and Sirius opened his mouth for a response too sarcastic for someone that small, but Harry cut him off. “I have to pee NOW!”

 

“Alright, alright,” Sirius mumbled as he scooped the little boy in his arms and balanced him on his hip. Harry instinctively tightened his thighs against Sirius’ midsection, his legs too short to wrap fully around him. 

 

Sirius sent a silent prayer that Harry wouldn’t wet himself while being held but if he was being honest with himself, his godson’s head affectionately burrowed into his shoulder was totally worth getting pissed on.

 

_Ugh, I’m becoming a sappy sentimental bastard._

 

Sirius pressed a soft kiss onto the unruly mop of black curls.

 

Exiting the store, his head swiveled up and down the street as he tried to think of what store would have a bathroom, seeing as the toy store didn’t. There was a coffee shop, but even from here he could see the long line through the window for the one toilet.

 

He picked up the pace and popped his head into three stores. Each employee gave him a sympathetic sorry and shake of the head when he inquired.

 

“Don’t worry, Uncle Paddy’s got you. Just have to hold on a little bit longer, Prongslet,” he comforted the small boy, bouncing him as he fast-walked toward a small french restaurant at the end of the street. Harry began whining softly and wiggling and Sirius mentally prepared himself for the warm, sticky feeling of urine. 

 

A gush of warm air hit his face as he pushed the restaurant’s door open and the hostess looked up at him in disdain. The restaurant was fancy, the expensive type where anything other than a suit and a dress was unacceptable. Sirius fought the urge to gag at the strong reminder of his upbringing the place brought upon him.

 

Shifting Harry onto his other hip, Sirius asked if they could use the bathroom. The hostess made a point of looking him up and down, taking in his torn black jeans, wrinkled striped shirt, jean jacket covered in patches and pins, and long hair in a messy ponytail. When her criticizing eyes shifted to Harry, Sirius turned his body to shield him, not out of embarrassment over the child’s “undignified” dinosaur outfit, but out of intense over-protection. 

 

Dragging her eyes back to Sirius, she pointed a perfectly manicured nail to the sign on the podium that read: _Restroom for Customers Only._

 

“He really needs to go pott— er, go to the restroom.” Sirius cocked his head toward the squirming toddler and pleaded, “Please just let me take him to the toilet. This really can’t wait.”

 

The hostess answered in a clipped tone, “Customers. Only.”

 

Sirius bristled, he was never one for a controlled temper, and glanced down at her name tag. “Listen here, _Janice,_ darling, you can shove that snobby classist attitude right up — ”

 

“Oh, there you are!” An amused voice interrupted him from behind. “I was beginning to think you weren’t going to show.”

 

Sirius gave the talking man a strange look but let himself be pulled by the elbow toward the dining area. He tightened his grip on Harry. 

 

The man talked over the protesting Janice, “They’re with me!” And then whispered furtively, “The toilet’s right over there.” 

 

The man gave Sirius a gentle nudge, pointing to the hallway to their right, and Sirius bolted without another word. He used his shoulder opposite of Harry to slam into the swivel door and carefully dropped the squirming toddler to the floor.

 

“Peepeepeepee!” Harry shouted as he ran. 

 

Harry had recently become scandalized over anyone hovering while he did his business, so Sirius turned his back and listened to the stream of urine.

 

While he waited, he pulled his hair tie out and threaded his fingers through the tangled black mane to pull back into a neater ponytail. The shorter layered strands fell out immediately to frame his face.

 

“All done!” Harry chirped, his arms thrown up in the air in triumph. Sirius swooped in with a grin, slipping his hands under Harry’s armpits and lifting him up to the sink so that he could reach the faucet.

 

Sirius laughed at his godson’s scrunched up face of intense concentration as he wrung his soapy hands under the water. He couldn’t resist kissing the poof of black hair again, childishly ignoring Lily’s voice in his head that scolded him for spoiling Harry.

 

All washed up, dried, and on his feet again, the well-loved toddler wrapped his chubby hand around three of Sirius’ fingers. With all the strength he could muster, he yanked his godfather out of the bathroom and toward the table sitting the man from earlier.

 

“Hello!” Harry shouted, not yet grasping the magical idea of inside voices. He scrambled into the seat opposite of the man with a beaming smile. Only his neck and head were visible above the high tabletop, but he stubbornly raised his hand over it (barely an inch). “Harry!”

 

“Prongslet…”

 

The man shook his head at Sirius’ apologetic smile and leaned over to grasp the toddler’s hand, giving it a shake. “Remus.”

 

Harry delighted at being treated like an adult and puffed out his chest. Sirius shook his head fondly and was about to tell Harry it’s time to go when he got a better look at the man.

 

_Fuck._

 

Sirius pushed a strand of hair behind his ear. _Well, it wouldn’t hurt to linger a few moments._

 

Pulling out the chair next to Harry, Sirius gracefully sat down. He crossed his ankles and leaned back a bit, just enough to lift the front legs of the chair off the ground. The man — Remus — appeared to be his age, though it was hard to tell with the mixture of boyish and old-soul features. 

 

The sporadic strands of grey hair contrasted the beautiful and youthful smile directed at Sirius. His amber eyes were deep-set with maturity beyond a typical person in their mid-twenties, looked as if he had experienced far darker things than he should have had to, something Sirius easily related with. Yet they were very sharp, a witty and mischievous gleam to them that stirred the blood in Sirius’ veins.

 

Then there was the intriguing thin white scar running along his face like a crescent moon.

 

Sirius hadn’t even said a word to the man and he already knew that Remus was without a doubt the most gorgeous and interesting person he’d ever met.

 

He sent a silent thank you to Lily for giving Harry too much juice this morning so that he ended up with a near-bursting bladder. He also thanked whatever the reason was that made Remus end up being right here, right now, in the restaurant at the perfect timing.

 

“I’m Sirius,” he finally spoke up, copying Harry in reaching his hand over to shake Remus’ only because he wanted the excuse to touch him.

 

Remus smiled cryptically and Sirius so badly wanted to know what he was thinking. His hand was cold but soft and he held Sirius in a firm grip. Sirius wasn’t sure which one of them was lingering in pulling away, but he certainly didn’t mind.

 

“No,” Harry protested. “No Siweeus! Uncle Paddy.” Harry reached his hands up and Sirius instinctively leaned down so this godson could touch his face. Harry smiled a mouthful of baby teeth and pat his godfather’s cheeks with a giggle. “Yeah, Uncle Paddy. No Siweeus.”

 

“Uncle Paddy?” Remus was definitely amused, but Sirius was hoping he wasn’t just imagining the slight relief in the amber eyes at the word Uncle.

 

Huffing a breath out to blow the strands of hair away from his face, Sirius grinned sheepishly and shrugged his shoulders. “Short for Padfoot. It’s a childhood nickname.”

 

Remus clucked his tongue. “Clever. Sirius the Dog Star. Padfoot, a dog’s paw. Silly,” Remus teased, “but clever.”

 

This wonderful, luminous man needed to be locked up. He was far too adorable and precious for this world. _Maybe I should jokingly offer to lock him up in my bedroom._ Sirius’ insides warmed as he imagined wrapping Remus in blankets and curling up to watch shitty sitcoms and making him hot chocolate and swapping little neck kissies.

 

_I hope he likes neck kisses._

 

Sirius _loved_ small and tender kisses in general, but especially on his neck.

 

“Why do you have a scawr on your face?”

 

“Harry,” Sirius’ voice, brought back to the present, changed into Parental Godfather Mode. “That’s not a very nice question to ask.”

 

A quivering frown etched onto the toddler’s face.

 

Remus’ face softened and he smiled kindly at Harry. “No, that’s perfectly alright.”

 

Sirius’ heart swelled. Hook, line, and sinker. He was a goner.

 

“I had an accident when I was little, just a little older than you.”

 

Brilliant green eyes behind round glasses widened, his temporary sadness for being reprimanded forgotten. “What happened?”

 

“I was attacked by a wolf.”

 

“Wow,” Harry breathed in awe.

 

“A wolf?” The question fell off Sirius’ tongue before he could censor himself. While Remus explained quite neutrally, Sirius could sense underlying discomfort on the subject.

 

Long fingers carded through short waves of chestnut hair. “Yeah, it was a small cub, though. I stumbled between him and his sibling and it turned out he was very protective.” Remus’ chuckle was a tinge bitter. “I’m very lucky it wasn’t an adult wolf, however. Probably wouldn’t be here if it was.”

 

Sincerity heavily coated Sirius’ next words. “I’m really glad you are here. Though I’m very sorry you had to go through that.”

 

Remus’ head tilted back in surprise and Sirius grinned cheekily at him.

 

“Dada was attacked by a deer!”

 

Remus gasped in feigned drama, which Harry ate up happily. “Really? A real deer?”

 

Remus raised an eyebrow at Sirius while Harry bounced on the seat. “Yeah! Tell him Unky Paddy!”

 

“Long story short,” Sirius narrated (he was much more interested in learning about this mysterious man than talking about James (no offense Prongs)), “we were visiting my relative in New Zealand, where red deer live, and it happened to be mating season, which makes stags hyper-aggressive? Anyway, Harry weaseled his way out of our attention, ran up to a stag — ”

 

Harry interjected, “It was so pretty!”

 

“— yes, well, James came running to the rescue and the ‘pretty’ stag punched his antlers into him.”

 

“Shi - er, crap,” Remus fumbled, alarmed. “Is he alright?”

 

“Oh yeah,” Sirius assured. “Lucky him, Lily nagged him into wearing a shit-ton of layers because of the cold, including a heavy coat. The antlers didn’t pierce him at all, just left some big bruises.” 

 

At the time, Sirius nearly shat himself and had a heart attack. James was everything to him; his best mate; his brother. There was no way Sirius could have gone through his life without that ridiculous bundle of energy and bright brown eyes. Sirius cried so hard during the ordeal that his face decided to become a pufferfish and swelled up ridiculously. 

 

Shaking the sharp pain of fear out of his heart, Harry’s godfather smiled. “Actually now he has a nickname as stupid as mine — Prongs.”

 

Harry puffed out his chest again. “And I’m Pwongswet!”

 

“That’s right.” Sirius ruffled the poof of black hair and he leaned down to blow a raspberry onto Harry’s cheek. “Wee Prongslet.”

 

The three boys chatted for a chunk of time, easily losing themselves in conversation. Sirius didn’t know if the waiter didn’t stop by because of his shabby presence, but he was grateful for the zero interruptions. Mostly he liked to watch Harry babble and Remus nod earnestly, his heart already captured by the sweet little boy. 

 

As Remus complimented his dinosaur onesie and told Harry that he was jealous of his _super_ cool glasses, the competition for who was looking at Remus more starry-eyed grew intense. 

 

“Dam—dang,” Remus caught himself just in time, still staring at his watch. “This has been lovely but I…”

 

He trailed off and Sirius’ heart dropped as he assumed Remus had been too polite to shoo them away this whole time.

 

“Oh,” he mumbled and then coughed, tucking his disappointment away. Putting on a cheery face, he placed a hand on Harry’s shoulder. “C’mon, Prongslet. Time to get going.”

 

Harry’s eyes instantly welled up with tears. “I don’t wanna go. I wike Wemus! I want him to come play trains with me!”

 

_Me too, Harry._ Sirius physically shook himself, _god I’m pathetic_. 

 

He had no chance with Remus, he didn’t even know if he was queer to start with. Plus, Sirius stopped being able to afford a restaurant as fancy as this when he was sixteen. Remus wouldn’t want to be stuck with poor, disowned Sirius Black who lived with and financially depended on his best mate. 

 

Sirius countered Harry’s wish to stay with the toddler’s ultimate weakness. “How about we get some ice cream?”

 

Harry sobered up. His small head swiveled between Remus and Sirius several times as he seemed to deeply consider his options. Finally, he slid out of his seat and crossed his arms over his chest, staring Sirius down with his best grumpy face.

 

Sirius’ spirits lifted at the sight, it was achingly adorable.

 

Harry ran over to his godfather and looked up at him expectantly. Sirius sighed in fake exasperation and hefted the boy up and onto his hip. Little Harry rested his head on the jean-clad shoulder and stuck a few fingers from one hand into his mouth, waving a pudgy little fist with the other.

 

“Bye Weemus.”

 

Sirius finally glanced back at Remus and startled at the openly crushed look on his pretty face.

 

“Well, I hope you have fun on your date,” Sirius remarked, watching Remus’ face intently to gauge his reaction.

 

A fire of hope lit in his chest when the man’s mouth fell slightly open in shock.

 

“No! Oh no.” Remus’ cheeks colored. “Er, this isn’t — I’m not on a date. God, no, I couldn’t afford a place like this. I have an interview for this posh middle school. Uh, I’m a teacher and it doesn’t pay really well, obviously, and it’s probably a long shot but I thought I might as well try, right? Private schools definitely pay a bit better,” he laughed nervously and tugged the collar of his navy blue button up. “I’m a bit nervous so I got here an hour early.”

 

“Yeah, of course.” Sirius grinned widely. “It’s always good to try, especially when you have the chance for something exceptional and one-of-a-kind. So, this might be a long shot, but would you like to see me again sometime?”

 

Remus exhaled a breathy laugh that sounded like angels and the dimples in his cheeks were killer.

 

_I am without a doubt the winner of the starry-eyed competition._

 

Harry’s attention was re-caught and he pulled his fingers out of his mouth, slobber dripping onto Sirius’ jacket. “Yes! A playdate!”

 

After minutes of reassuring Harry that yes, of course, he would be included and no, they would never hang out without him (Sirius winked and Remus smothered a smile), phone numbers were swapped, and an impulsive peck on the cheek (from Sirius to Remus) and then another cheek kiss for Remus (from Harry because he didn’t want to be left out), Sirius sauntered back to the front of the restaurant.

 

Sirius, being the petty bastard he was, waved his phone at Janice as he walked past her,Remus’ contact information displayed.

 

He batted his eyes. “Thanks for the free service, _Janey_.”

 

An indiscreet snort echoed from the dining area and Sirius preened.

 

* * *

 

Later that evening, Lily burst through the door and ‘oof!’ed as Harry barreled into her legs.

 

“Hello, my lovely boy. Did you two have a good day?”

 

“The best day EVER mummy!”

 

Sirius' phone chirped.

 

_Is now too soon? There’s this cute 24/7 coffee shop I know, if you’d like…? xxRem_

 

“Oh yes,” Sirius said, rereading the text. “The absolute best.”

**Author's Note:**

> James has to thoroughly distract Harry with puppets so Sirius can sneak out to his date with Remus.
> 
> Bonus: Remus gets the job and calls Sirius his good luck charm, insisting that Sirius can never leave him now. (As if Sirius ever would)
> 
> Bonus Bonus: Sirius sends their wedding invitation to Janice, who still works at the restaurant.


End file.
